Get to know me a little better
I’d love to share my story with you…
I grew up…
As the typical oldest daughter of my parents, a child of an immigrant, and an over-achiever. I was smart, quick, and some might even say witty, as a little freckle- faced child.
In Kindergarten, I won my first district-wide writing contest. That’s right this girl, wrote a story “The Storm”, drew an illustration, and beat a bunch of K-6th graders for the San Bernardino District Writing Celebration. It was the way I found out that is permanently etched in my head. It was a normal day in kindergarten, someone was crying over the blocks and I was in trouble for interrupting the teacher. We ran out to a school wide assembly, they were giving out awards. At one point our principal and my teacher, Mrs. Ives step on stage and they announce that the writing celebration winner came from our school.
Cool, tho I’m sure I was watching butterflies flutter or the cool 3th grade girls gossip about the Spice Girls. Suddenly, my name was called.
And now I was 5, tiny, and despite what people think, pretty timid. I walked on up to the stage with the whole school clapping and for one second my heart stopped, my parents were in the crowd. In this moment, this flash of my parents clapping in a sea of people, something sunk in for me.
1) I was so damn lucky to have supportive parents, they were both in 90’s suits all dressed up for work, but also....
2) If I could win, if I could achieve, then I would make people happy. They would like me, love me, and think I was important. Over my childhood, my entire worth quickly got tied up in achieving and producing.
What are you…
What are you?
Is the question, I’ve gotten asked constantly throughout my life.
I’m Latina and Black, but it’s all mixed up within both of my parents (hello colonialism). My dad immigrated here from Panama, but is Black and his parents are from Colombian islands. My mom is also Black and Latina, proud to be very New Orleans Creole.
And I remember when I was four, I was at church with my Godmother and two older women approached me and asked me “What are you?” with their oversized purses hanging off their shoulders.
I looked at them a little confused at the question, to be honest.
They squabbled back at me, “Are you mixed Black and White or are you Puerto Rican?”
I told them probably what my mom had told me, “I was Black.” (hello, one drop rule)
They angrily and annoyingly shook their heads, “No no no, that’s not right. You’re definitely Puerto Rican”
That day under the heavy perfume of these women, plus countless other similar conversations in my childhood, I learned two things: 1) I was different, I didn’t belong, I would always stand out AND 2) People weren’t interested in the real me, they simply wanted to affirm their own thoughts. And to ensure they felt comfortable and happy, I should become the person they wanted me to be. And I did, expertly becoming a chameleon, until it was impossible to know who I truly was.
Those two things in childhood deeply stuck with me 1) That achievement would lead to self worth. If I could achieve, win, and be the best, I would be worthy of love, I would be important, I would be valuable and 2) In order to make people happy, I needed to make them feel comfortable. And I needed to shift my identity to do so.
And I got really f*cking good at both of them!
I was top of my class, on homecoming court, graduated as valedictorian, got accepted to Stanford, I climbed the ranks, joined Teach for America, and got promotion after promotion.
As I began to look around, exhausted and unfulfilled, ignoring all of my wants and needs to belong, to fit in, to feel worthy, and be loved. I recognized I was chasing a definition of success that wasn’t even mine. Did I even care?
My parents and I
Me on homecoming court, my dad very happy lol
Soon enough…
As things got so hard and quickly deteriorated, I found myself in a toxic and abusive relationship with a narcissist.
As I emerged from the fog of that abuse, I looked around me and realized my career was mirroring that abusive and toxic relationship.
I had been physically intimated by a manager and stayed in the role, getting so physically sick from the trauma and stress.
I was being gaslit by my employer, being told I was making market pay, even though that was clearly not the case, and when it finally came out that I wasn’t, they pretended like I had never even seriously brought up the issue.
I worked at organizations my entire life that isolated me. They wanted my life and my world to revolve around them and their vision, and if it didn’t I was deemed a bad person.
At that point my entire intuition, trust in myself, my identity, and my mental health hit rock bottom.
I took a step back, went on a yoga and meditation retreat, invested in a career coach, found a therapist to heal from the trauma, and even found a wellness coach.
I read all the books, listened to the podcasts, and took all the trainings.
I knew I needed to dig deep down into those limiting beliefs about myself in order to heal and grow. And as I did, I quickly realized. It was time for me to live for me. For right now.
No more 10, 5, or 3 year plan. I wanted to create the life I WANTED for myself now. And I did.
I redefined success for me and stopped chasing my father’s definition, my friends’ definitions, or society’s definition. I moved to the beach, my own slice of heaven. I doubled my salary, by just asking for it and believing I was worthy. Cause I am! All while pivoting into a new industry. I reprogrammed those limiting beliefs to create more abundance for myself NOW.
And eventually began my coaching business to guide others to do this for themselves. Getting the freedom, peace, joy, power, love, and worthiness they deserve.
Now through peaceful weekend retreats and supportive 1:1 coaching, I help people reconnect with themselves and rebuild their confidence, focusing on their own strengths, their stories, and what makes them unique.
We redefine what success looks like for them next. If they want to spend longer mornings making pancakes with their kiddos or make twice their salary so they can celebrate with a nice glass of Veuve champagne, they can!
We address the things that hold us back, our own limiting beliefs. Feeling like we aren’t good enough, like we don’t belong, like people won’t like us. We challenge those beliefs and then we start to get them exactly what they want.
I create the spaces for this transformation to happen. And I have the luckiest job because I get to take what I know, what I’ve studied, and what I’ve experienced and share it with others. Make their lives easier and help them get what they want even faster than I was able to do it for myself.
If you want to share your story with me or work together, let’s connect here.
*Also if you’ve been impacted by narcissistic abuse, I see you. If you’re looking for connection or just to feel seen. Shoot me an email. I see you, your experience is real, and there truly is so much light at the end <3
Me after my retreat in Bali
Me and my pup living at the beach
My Credentials Include
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Education
Victoria Whittaker has a Bachelors of Arts in Psychology from Stanford University and her Masters of Business Administration from UC Berkeley Haas School of Business
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Work Experience
Victoria has worked across business, education, nonprofit, and government sectors during her 15 year career. She has coached and developed leaders, managed high-performing teams, built new functions in fast-paced environments, and even taught young preschoolers. She has successfully hired and recruited for dozens of roles over the course of her career. She also currently works as an executive recruiter
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Credentials
CT3 Real Time Coach, Wayfinding Wisdom Coach Training Program
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The Important Stuff
Victoria currently lives near the beach in Marina Del Rey, CA with her goldendoodle puppy Leo. She enjoys traveling often, cooking delicious meals, and watching Bravo reality TV. Check out her podcast about women entreprenuers who love reality tv, Giving You Everything!